The Frozen Gate
Man standing in a icy dark cave.
It’s a Sunday and I am starting to dread work tomorrow, I'm pretty sure anyone reading this could relate. On top of that I'm working a 12 hour shift because I am in dire need of the OT. I'm also unhappy with the piece of art I'm working on, I'm honestly a bit baffled about not liking the piece so far. I actually planned and sketched everything out meticulously and yet I find myself wanting to start over. Then I ask myself, "What am I doing? Grow up and decide another path you loser!" All of this racing in the ether of my mind while deciding if I'm doing a 30 min gesture session.
Self-loathing and self-doubt is rampant in the art community, from my experience I think these come from the challenge of the artist imbuing their creation with value, which takes a lot of time and effort. I also know a lot of us struggle with believing if this creative path is a viable. We ask ourselves, "Are we good enough to make a business out of our passion?". "Is there anything else that I want to do for a career?" When I answer the last question the answer is "No!". But then something funny happens. I begin to think about my past experience, the amount of blood, sweat and tears I've exhausted for jobs and careers that quit frankly found no meaning. Suddenly, I am faced with the realization that I haven't gave art my best shot. I haven't done it long enough to even see failure, let alone success!
I remember this security job I had during a particularly low point of my life. I explicitly recall waking up 4am in the dead of winter, rushing to work to open a large steel metal gate. As I write this I remember how much I struggled to open frozen steel in single digit temperatures. During that time I had been evicted from my apartment, my job had cut my pay, my car was stolen and my girlfriend at the time left me. Yet, there I was suffering to raise this damn gate for a job that cut my pay! A job where I had to ask for permission to go to the restroom. I feel like you already know where I am going with this! But what the hell, I'll make it explicit! If I could exert that much energy towards that gate, then why am I not doing the same for my passion and reason for being on this planet? I am pretty sure anyone reading this has had their own frozen gate! This is a quick reminder to stay strong in the wake of your self-doubt as a creator. You've dealt with worst and overcame, be the artist that I know you can be! I am off to a short gesture session.
Stay consistent, Stay strong.
